Confronting the Obsession of BreastFeeding

It took me a long while to decide to write this because I think this topic is relatively sensitive.

But these days, I've been reading so much of bullying that had happened revolving around the topics of breastfeeding and formula milk feeding that some inner voices is telling me that it's time I write something about it.

I strongly feel that there’s an existence of a cult group for breastfeeding (or maybe this belief of mine, some may say is cult too? Tsk tsk) This ‘cult group’ that I’m referring to does not do weekly meetings, neither do they purposefully meet-up to influence others but somehow their extreme strong beliefs in ‘breastfeeding is the best and nothing else is’ is clouding their judgement and giving many other mothers whom aren’t doing that some form of unnecessary stress.

I painstakingly gave up breastfeeding after 6 weeks from Tyler’s birth and he has been taking formula milk since. The thought that I had ‘given up’ still haunts me a little. Society pressure? Maybe.  

When I was pregnant, I attended pre-natal classes and nurses would play emphasis on breastfeeding so much that I subconsciously tell myself, I have to try my best to breastfeed no matter what. There was nothing covered for formula-feeding so somehow you just get the impression that breastfeeding is the only way to go.

While I was still pregnant, I joined some parenting groups on Facebook and on a daily basis I see posts from the groups about how much breast milk (BM) they had pumped. And I thought to myself, I could be just like them. Never did I realize these ‘conquests’ just became an obsessive numbers game to some mothers. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s perfectly fine to share and get support or to encourage others but the exposure to such posts creates perception that ‘it shouldn’t be that difficult’. Obviously now, I’m no longer in such groups.

After I gave birth, I was told that Tyler was given formula milk as his first feed in hospital because my body kinda gave up to be on rest mode. I passed out shortly after exiting the delivery room and before I knew it, it was already the next morning.

I became really upset. I asked myself - Why was I not awake to feed him?

My husband reassured me that it’s okay and I can always feed him when I feel better. Was it really ok? I didn't feel that way.

I tried latching him on thereafter but it failed a couple of times, in fact more than a couple actually. I felt sharp pains and the nurses just kept telling me that I was not doing it right and worst of all, the lactation nurse was not there. I don’t blame her as she may be giving classes or doing her rounds but I recalled feeling terribly awful about it.

The little voices in my head started asking, why is it that others can and I can’t? 

The messaging and awareness for how good breast milk is, is really getting into my head and I could feel it.

So just before I was discharged, I managed to grab hold of the lactation nurse whom was really sweet and patient with me. She taught me some techniques to try it at home and I did as told and for once in my life I think I actually listen. Hahahaha.

6 weeks of breastfeeding journey consists of engorgement, blue-black to the breast area, frequent bleedings (try daily), and fever every 2-3 days, tears, migraine, lack of rest, depression and the list goes on.

I wanted to give up. From week 3 onwards, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cried. A lot.

Things got much worse after confinement lady left as I find difficulty managing my time to pump milk, latch, do housework, wash clothes for the family and Tyler’s of course, making meals of my own, patting a crying baby back to sleep and dealing with side effects of medication that gynae prescribed for all the other after-birth problems I was having.

I finally broke down and it was scary.

So after much drama-mama I had went through, I told my husband that I want to stop.

His word of advice to me is this, “The most important thing is that you remain sane and be well, otherwise, how do you take care of Tyler if you are not.”

It hit me. He is right.

Every mothers’ circumstances are different and what rights do we have to judge. I was glad I did what I did because Tyler is growing up well and I love him so much so if this is the best I can give, then so be it. I’m not going to beat myself up just because others were to perceive it differently.

So I stop. But troubles didn't go away. Trust me when I say that, because after I had switched from Bf-ing to FM-feeding, people give remarks that just upset me further. It was a roller coaster ride.

When I consult a doctor, he would ask why did you stop breastfeeding? Don't you know it's very good? You should continue to do it until he is at least 6 months old. 

When a baby home brand telemarketer called, they would ask questions like 'Are you still breastfeeding?' My reply is No and they would continue to ask 'Why not?'. 

So yes, this is what I called unnecessary stress. I had gotten over it now but now these thoughts just annoys me.

I’m happy to say, majority of the mothers out there including my close family and friends, colleagues and even some netizens (whose comments I’ve came across regarding related-articles) are generically understanding. I’m proud of these mothers who stands up to those who needs it and we should continuously do so as this is not the only challenge we will face during parenthood.

Here’s my message to the people whom are pro-breastfeeding and feels like condemning others who feeds formula –

My message to you is ‘Please mind your own business and we don’t appreciate such so-called ‘advices’ you deem it to be. Seriously.’

My message to mothers whom feels a little less about themselves because you had fed your babies formulas instead of breast milk –

Stay strong. Just do what you think its best and you are still the best mother you can be to your baby.

My message to mothers who provide support no matter what -

A very big Thank You. 

I hope we continue to support and respect one another as the ultimate objective is to provide the best we can as parents. Who can say that you are wrong if you're trying your best? In truth, no one understands the situation better than yourself. 

Postpartum - Weight Loss After Pregnancy

It has been almost 9 months after pregnancy. Baby Tyler had already achieved countless milestones that I'm amazed at and cherish. He is growing up so fast that I find it hard to catch-up and before I could start wondering what's coming next. Bam! That's another milestone.

I often find myself catching up with other mummies on our little one and also share how much weight we left to shed after pregnancy. I think this type of conversation will sound awfully familiar for some.

During these 9 months of post-pregnancy, one of the most frequently-asked question is how I had lost so much weight so quickly. Actually I didn't notice it until I saw a recent photo taken of me by my sister-in-law (during Chinese New Year). Hmm, I look different.

Okay, other than looking like a mother (which some of my family and friends commented. Don't know good or bad :p), I had weighed lesser than my pre-pregnancy weight.

Pre-pregnancy Weight: 61.5kg

Weight before delivery: 78kg (Gained almost 17kg during pregnancy)

Current Weight: 59 kg

So here I share my thoughts on what had worked for me.

1) Breastfeeding

I recalled losing weight the fastest during my first 1.5 months after delivery. Say about 10kg.

I breastfed Tyler for 1.5 months. Almost had postpartum depression after confinement lady left. Feeling overwhelmed, I was concerned with how disruptive it'll get to pump while trying to calm him down from crying, doing housework and making sure my meals are settled, etc. Close to having a nervous breakdown, I heed husband's advise to stop breastfeeding. He said that the most important thing for me is to remain saint. And wow, it hit me. It's true! If I'm not, then how do I continue taking care of him? I thought I would feel less of a mom, but I got over it quickly because breastfeeding is not the only thing a mom has to do.

Anyway, yes breastfeeding. You'll naturally burn calories but also feeling hungry easily.
One should never go on extreme diet while breastfeeding to achieve ideal weight quickly, but control and maintaining good dietary habits would work too.

As long as the amount of calories burn is more than what is consumed, losing weight would not be a problem. So not only is it great for babies, we can also take advantage of it to lose away the pregnancy weight.

2) Eating right

I previously wrote about how I had lost over 20kg in 2 years and I couldn't emphasize enough on the importance of it. Here's the link.
So I re-adopted back the eating habits.

Morning: Either overnight oats or cereals (my favourite is the Post brand cereals and the Nestle Fitnesse)

Lunch: Porridge with vegetable, steam egg and fish (I'm just sharing my most common food intake for your reference)

Dinner: Salad with meat

One really important note: Do not eat food after 8pm. Supper is the killer for any weight loss regime.

To clarify, I still do occasional feasting with my family and friends and I believe in doing everything moderately.

Healthy food can also look delicious and mouth-watering!

Check out salad in a jar. Now everything can be in a jar :p

Picture is from abeautifulmess.com

3) Exercising

Now that I have Tyler, I could barely find time to exercise. Currently my frequency is only 2-4 times a month and at each time I spend 30 minutes to an hour. Jogging, planks and push-ups are some of my workouts. I believe in exercising to keep fit and I hope I could soon keep up to my workout plan that will help in weight maintenance.

The truth is any weight loss requires discipline and how much you desire to achieve it.
Once you had achieved it, how do you maintain it? It's a long term goal but definitely achievable.


So persevere and be beautiful mummies!

Baby Gifts Idea - Toddle.sg

Having troubles finding gifts for baby showers, full month celebration or birthdays?

I always do. Even till date, I am still having trouble finding the right toys or necessities for Tyler or his little friends as they simply grow up way too fast and I'm probably not catching up with their speed of growth. And you wouldn't be exactly sure what is suitable for them unless you have a little one at home.

Try shopping at Toddle.sg. For one thing, they bring in many products to cater to the different needs ranging from baby carriers, educational toys, bathing products and other branded gift items. Suitable for mummies whom only have time to do some online shopping. I also find it a great place to get some baby gifts for your friends and family. They categorized their products so well that it's easy to look for specific items. 

Here's a lovely package from Toddle to Tyler.

Anyway, I would like to share my personal top 3 picks from Toddle.sg:

1) For the mummies - Milestone Pregnancy Cards

Woah, if I knew this exist I would have bought it. I believe every mummies would love to remember every detail of their pregnancy. The bumps. His/Her first kick. The 'weird' pregnancy cravings, and the list goes on. When I knew I was pregnant a year back, I wanted to capture every moment of my pregnancy. #TotallyFail I tried looking back at the photos on my iPhone, I could barely remember which month those bumps were taken (of course unless I traced back to the dates).

This can also be a nice prop for maternity photoshoot. It comes in two design for now and I think both are equally cute. If it's a girl, go for the Miffy Edition!

2) For the baby - Book and Bath Toys

Many babies and toddlers love their bathing time. Same goes with Tyler. And it's really fun. I chose the Three Little Duckies Book and Bath Toys as it's my husband's favourite. Don't ask me why. So we tried it with Tyler and he loves it. As parents, we had a lot of fun too!

3) For the baby - Neckerchew commonly knows as bibs

You know how many parents are saying that their little one has too much clothes? Because of the hand-me-downs and new ones that were bought by grandparents, godparents and even parents ourselves (yes I just realise it's all the 'parents' in the world). So bibs are one of those items that I don't complain having more. Tyler is probably in his teething stage now and he changes almost 6 bibs in a day. Too much drooling going on. So not only do babies look cute in it, it is a essential to have it.

Neckerchew is what I called an upgraded version of a normal bib. It is the world's first chewy dribble bib and reversible! Toddle.sg has so many beautiful designs and I have the 'buy-them-all' look after I sees it.

 Here's a snapshot from their website of the designs they carry:

Receive 10% discount on your first purchase, when you sign up for their newsletter!
Happy shopping!

Online Store: http://www.toddle.sg/
Instagram: @toddle.sg
Facebook: Toddle
Blog: http://www.toddle.sg/blog

Infant Care or Nanny/Babysitters?

Tyler has been in infant care for about 4 months now and I think he's pretty happy going to 'school'.

Here's a picture of him at the playing area of the center. This reminds me I have to get a playmat really soon!

We had experience some hiccups with the center but so far all has been resolved. Many people had asked me why aren't my parents or in-laws taking care of the little one since I had to return to work. Reason is simple. These days are different. Times have changed. Our parents are unlike our grandparents generation where it was probably a norm in the past for woman to stay at home and take care of grandchildren.

And yes, both mothers are working and I think it is important for them to stay in the workforce. Both are still pretty young anyway :)

So working mothers like myself will have a different set of woes when we need to make decisions between sending our little one to infant care or finding babysitter/nanny whom could take care of them either at our own place or theirs. The truth is you would only feel 100% safe if the little one is taken care by yourself.

After much research from reading through forums and conversing with experience parents from my office, we started scouting for possibilities when I was only about 4 months pregnant, consider that we had well embraced Singapore's Kiasuism. You will see why. I was completely stressed out on top of the mild-shock I'm getting from the pregnancy. 

Called 3-5 babysitter/nanny - Their rates were comparable to infant care or slightly lower and some were taking care of about 2 babies. Their location were also not within walking distance from my place. It was difficult to find nannies within the perimeter.

Called all 13 infant cares which are located within my estate - 12 were full and had long waiting list. Waiting list between 20-40 babies. Each infant care could accept approx. 12 - 18 babies. So doing the math, placing ourselves in the waiting list wasn't exactly a feasible (secured) option. 

Here's an overview of what we'd gathered:

There's no right or wrong making decisions for either. There's no answer to what's the best option for parents. Decisions had to made from what you deem best for the little one. So in my case, I selected infant care because I feel slightly safer sending him there. In the event if something crops up, I know I have the rights to request to see the surveillance cameras if that is really necessary. I do not really like the idea of scrambling for unplanned leaves if caregivers are unwell. I like that baby has many opportunities to mingle and play with other kids. I also like that they will do activities to help in his development. 

Every parents perspective is different and it's important to choose what makes it more comfortable for you. I hope this helps and good luck!

Confession from a new mom

Before I gave birth to Tyler, I would imagine what it would be like to be a new mom. I beautifully painted my journey of motherhood and how I wanted everything to be perfect and well-planned. 

Having been a Mom for five+ months now, I discover some rather funny facts about myself and perhaps this applies to many others too. It was nothing close to the perfect image in my head and sometimes I feel like a different person.

1. I often wonder if baby was drinking enough. Sometimes I think he drinks too much. Sometimes I think he drinks too little. Later then I realise, as long as he is drinking well, I shouldn't be contemplating too much. #confusedmother
2. I will lose the little mittens and socks while doing laundry. They are just too tiny!
3. I find myself addicted to my baby's smell. I will sniff at him before I go to bed.
4. I get easily excited knowing he had gained weight or grow taller even if it's just 0.1.
5. I am amazingly fantastic at multi-tasking and beyond. I can feed, watch TV, reply to phone messages and probably take a few minutes of nap all at the same time. This list goes on.
6. I realise motherhood does come naturally when it suddenly dawn on me that I could actually change diapers, bath for the little one and knowing how much to feed just so he does not get hungry. When my friends ask me how I know what I know, I would simply reply 'You will just know it.'
7. I find myself worry when he doesn't poo. Their poo is strong-smelling but you just look forward to seeing one.
8. When he does, we all 'celebrated'. It became a happy occasion. 
9. Shopping for baby is more indulging than buying stuffs for myself. Everything in miniature size is just too cute.
10. I get upset if I missed his first - his milestones. Just like his first flip.
11. All the photos on my phone are flooded with his photos. That is why 32gd of iPhone storage space will never be sufficient.
12. I realise Children's Day still exist.
13. I have a new job. The stock taker. I track the inventory for his formula milk, diapers, nappy rash and wet wipes.
14. I miss him ALL the time and I don't know why.
15. I am obsessed with my baby. I simply fell in love again. Fell in love with my little one.
16. Before I had him, I said I will never have another one again. But things could just change. I am already missing him being so small as they grow up too fast.
17. Motherhood. The biggest and most unfamiliar word for a new mom but I realize no matter how hard it is, we'll find a way to do it. 
18. Not all advice works. So I trust my guts, mashed up the advices and somehow it'll just work.
19. I used my baby to get out of certain events I don't wish to go. For a matter of fact, I am really tired all the time and I miss my baby all the time. Don't judge! I truly believe many mummy's are like that too.
20. I'm scared. I fear that I might not be doing things right for Tyler. I always have many questions and sometimes I do get confused with the information that I get from google. So yes, there it is. A fearless person by nature but a fearful mom.
21. I don't get angry with my son. I always feel like I'm not doing enough to calm him down. Then again, it is difficult to be angry with him when is just so cute. :p
22. If given a choice I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom to see through his baby days. I am a workaholic and this fact surprised me too. 
23. Nothing else is more important than my baby. He became my life and I am enjoying it so far.
24. I'm always saying Sorry to the little one. Yes, we apologize for the most nonsensical things like when he was crying for nothing. I don't think he understood but I guess it makes parents feel better by saying it.
25. Last but not least, this whole motherhood parenting thing gave me a whole new circle of friends. Friends whom we'd last said hi and bye like ten years ago. We kept in touch again because we genuinely wanna help one another. We know how hard it was to be one. We want to provide advise that could ease the trouble of googling it and in truth it's always easier when you have friends to go to.

I think parents (both moms and dads) in general made many sacrifices for their kids. These sacrifices are willingly made. They fill up the gaps of all the loses we thought we have. So far, I've been enjoying it. 

It's fulfilling and filled with love. 
I can't wait to see how much more we are going to experience next.