Confronting the Obsession of BreastFeeding

It took me a long while to decide to write this because I think this topic is relatively sensitive.

But these days, I've been reading so much of bullying that had happened revolving around the topics of breastfeeding and formula milk feeding that some inner voices is telling me that it's time I write something about it.

I strongly feel that there’s an existence of a cult group for breastfeeding (or maybe this belief of mine, some may say is cult too? Tsk tsk) This ‘cult group’ that I’m referring to does not do weekly meetings, neither do they purposefully meet-up to influence others but somehow their extreme strong beliefs in ‘breastfeeding is the best and nothing else is’ is clouding their judgement and giving many other mothers whom aren’t doing that some form of unnecessary stress.

I painstakingly gave up breastfeeding after 6 weeks from Tyler’s birth and he has been taking formula milk since. The thought that I had ‘given up’ still haunts me a little. Society pressure? Maybe.  

When I was pregnant, I attended pre-natal classes and nurses would play emphasis on breastfeeding so much that I subconsciously tell myself, I have to try my best to breastfeed no matter what. There was nothing covered for formula-feeding so somehow you just get the impression that breastfeeding is the only way to go.

While I was still pregnant, I joined some parenting groups on Facebook and on a daily basis I see posts from the groups about how much breast milk (BM) they had pumped. And I thought to myself, I could be just like them. Never did I realize these ‘conquests’ just became an obsessive numbers game to some mothers. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s perfectly fine to share and get support or to encourage others but the exposure to such posts creates perception that ‘it shouldn’t be that difficult’. Obviously now, I’m no longer in such groups.

After I gave birth, I was told that Tyler was given formula milk as his first feed in hospital because my body kinda gave up to be on rest mode. I passed out shortly after exiting the delivery room and before I knew it, it was already the next morning.

I became really upset. I asked myself - Why was I not awake to feed him?

My husband reassured me that it’s okay and I can always feed him when I feel better. Was it really ok? I didn't feel that way.

I tried latching him on thereafter but it failed a couple of times, in fact more than a couple actually. I felt sharp pains and the nurses just kept telling me that I was not doing it right and worst of all, the lactation nurse was not there. I don’t blame her as she may be giving classes or doing her rounds but I recalled feeling terribly awful about it.

The little voices in my head started asking, why is it that others can and I can’t? 

The messaging and awareness for how good breast milk is, is really getting into my head and I could feel it.

So just before I was discharged, I managed to grab hold of the lactation nurse whom was really sweet and patient with me. She taught me some techniques to try it at home and I did as told and for once in my life I think I actually listen. Hahahaha.

6 weeks of breastfeeding journey consists of engorgement, blue-black to the breast area, frequent bleedings (try daily), and fever every 2-3 days, tears, migraine, lack of rest, depression and the list goes on.

I wanted to give up. From week 3 onwards, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cried. A lot.

Things got much worse after confinement lady left as I find difficulty managing my time to pump milk, latch, do housework, wash clothes for the family and Tyler’s of course, making meals of my own, patting a crying baby back to sleep and dealing with side effects of medication that gynae prescribed for all the other after-birth problems I was having.

I finally broke down and it was scary.

So after much drama-mama I had went through, I told my husband that I want to stop.

His word of advice to me is this, “The most important thing is that you remain sane and be well, otherwise, how do you take care of Tyler if you are not.”

It hit me. He is right.

Every mothers’ circumstances are different and what rights do we have to judge. I was glad I did what I did because Tyler is growing up well and I love him so much so if this is the best I can give, then so be it. I’m not going to beat myself up just because others were to perceive it differently.

So I stop. But troubles didn't go away. Trust me when I say that, because after I had switched from Bf-ing to FM-feeding, people give remarks that just upset me further. It was a roller coaster ride.

When I consult a doctor, he would ask why did you stop breastfeeding? Don't you know it's very good? You should continue to do it until he is at least 6 months old. 

When a baby home brand telemarketer called, they would ask questions like 'Are you still breastfeeding?' My reply is No and they would continue to ask 'Why not?'. 

So yes, this is what I called unnecessary stress. I had gotten over it now but now these thoughts just annoys me.

I’m happy to say, majority of the mothers out there including my close family and friends, colleagues and even some netizens (whose comments I’ve came across regarding related-articles) are generically understanding. I’m proud of these mothers who stands up to those who needs it and we should continuously do so as this is not the only challenge we will face during parenthood.

Here’s my message to the people whom are pro-breastfeeding and feels like condemning others who feeds formula –

My message to you is ‘Please mind your own business and we don’t appreciate such so-called ‘advices’ you deem it to be. Seriously.’

My message to mothers whom feels a little less about themselves because you had fed your babies formulas instead of breast milk –

Stay strong. Just do what you think its best and you are still the best mother you can be to your baby.

My message to mothers who provide support no matter what -

A very big Thank You. 

I hope we continue to support and respect one another as the ultimate objective is to provide the best we can as parents. Who can say that you are wrong if you're trying your best? In truth, no one understands the situation better than yourself. 

Postpartum - Weight Loss After Pregnancy

It has been almost 9 months after pregnancy. Baby Tyler had already achieved countless milestones that I'm amazed at and cherish. He is growing up so fast that I find it hard to catch-up and before I could start wondering what's coming next. Bam! That's another milestone.

I often find myself catching up with other mummies on our little one and also share how much weight we left to shed after pregnancy. I think this type of conversation will sound awfully familiar for some.

During these 9 months of post-pregnancy, one of the most frequently-asked question is how I had lost so much weight so quickly. Actually I didn't notice it until I saw a recent photo taken of me by my sister-in-law (during Chinese New Year). Hmm, I look different.

Okay, other than looking like a mother (which some of my family and friends commented. Don't know good or bad :p), I had weighed lesser than my pre-pregnancy weight.

Pre-pregnancy Weight: 61.5kg

Weight before delivery: 78kg (Gained almost 17kg during pregnancy)

Current Weight: 59 kg

So here I share my thoughts on what had worked for me.

1) Breastfeeding

I recalled losing weight the fastest during my first 1.5 months after delivery. Say about 10kg.

I breastfed Tyler for 1.5 months. Almost had postpartum depression after confinement lady left. Feeling overwhelmed, I was concerned with how disruptive it'll get to pump while trying to calm him down from crying, doing housework and making sure my meals are settled, etc. Close to having a nervous breakdown, I heed husband's advise to stop breastfeeding. He said that the most important thing for me is to remain saint. And wow, it hit me. It's true! If I'm not, then how do I continue taking care of him? I thought I would feel less of a mom, but I got over it quickly because breastfeeding is not the only thing a mom has to do.

Anyway, yes breastfeeding. You'll naturally burn calories but also feeling hungry easily.
One should never go on extreme diet while breastfeeding to achieve ideal weight quickly, but control and maintaining good dietary habits would work too.

As long as the amount of calories burn is more than what is consumed, losing weight would not be a problem. So not only is it great for babies, we can also take advantage of it to lose away the pregnancy weight.

2) Eating right

I previously wrote about how I had lost over 20kg in 2 years and I couldn't emphasize enough on the importance of it. Here's the link.
So I re-adopted back the eating habits.

Morning: Either overnight oats or cereals (my favourite is the Post brand cereals and the Nestle Fitnesse)

Lunch: Porridge with vegetable, steam egg and fish (I'm just sharing my most common food intake for your reference)

Dinner: Salad with meat

One really important note: Do not eat food after 8pm. Supper is the killer for any weight loss regime.

To clarify, I still do occasional feasting with my family and friends and I believe in doing everything moderately.

Healthy food can also look delicious and mouth-watering!

Check out salad in a jar. Now everything can be in a jar :p

Picture is from abeautifulmess.com

3) Exercising

Now that I have Tyler, I could barely find time to exercise. Currently my frequency is only 2-4 times a month and at each time I spend 30 minutes to an hour. Jogging, planks and push-ups are some of my workouts. I believe in exercising to keep fit and I hope I could soon keep up to my workout plan that will help in weight maintenance.

The truth is any weight loss requires discipline and how much you desire to achieve it.
Once you had achieved it, how do you maintain it? It's a long term goal but definitely achievable.


So persevere and be beautiful mummies!