It took me
a long while to decide to write this because I think this topic is relatively sensitive.
But these days, I've been reading so much of bullying that had happened revolving around the topics of breastfeeding and formula milk feeding that some inner voices is telling me that it's time I write something about it.
I strongly
feel that there’s an existence of a cult group for breastfeeding (or maybe this
belief of mine, some may say is cult too? Tsk tsk) This ‘cult group’ that I’m
referring to does not do weekly meetings, neither do they purposefully meet-up to influence
others but somehow their extreme strong beliefs in ‘breastfeeding is the best
and nothing else is’ is clouding their judgement and giving many other mothers
whom aren’t doing that some form of unnecessary stress.
I painstakingly
gave up breastfeeding after 6 weeks from Tyler’s birth and he has been taking
formula milk since. The thought that I had ‘given up’ still haunts me a little.
Society pressure? Maybe.
When I was
pregnant, I attended pre-natal classes and nurses would play emphasis on
breastfeeding so much that I subconsciously tell myself, I have to try my best
to breastfeed no matter what. There was nothing covered for formula-feeding so
somehow you just get the impression that breastfeeding is the only way to go.
While I was
still pregnant, I joined some parenting groups on Facebook and on a daily basis
I see posts from the groups about how much breast milk (BM) they had pumped.
And I thought to myself, I could be just like them. Never did I realize these ‘conquests’
just became an obsessive numbers game to some mothers. Don’t get me wrong, I
think it’s perfectly fine to share and get support or to encourage others but the exposure
to such posts creates perception that ‘it shouldn’t be that difficult’.
Obviously now, I’m no longer in such groups.
After I
gave birth, I was told that Tyler was given formula milk as his first feed in
hospital because my body kinda gave up to be on rest mode. I passed out shortly
after exiting the delivery room and before I knew it, it was already the next
morning.
I became
really upset. I asked myself - Why was I not awake to feed him?
My husband
reassured me that it’s okay and I can always feed him when I feel better. Was
it really ok? I didn't feel that way.
I tried latching him on thereafter but it failed a couple of times, in fact
more than a couple actually. I felt sharp pains and the nurses just kept
telling me that I was not doing it right and worst of all, the lactation nurse
was not there. I don’t blame her as she may be giving classes or doing her
rounds but I recalled feeling terribly awful about it.
The little
voices in my head started asking, why is it that others can and I can’t?
The messaging and awareness for how good breast milk is, is really getting into my head and I could feel it.
So just
before I was discharged, I managed to grab hold of the lactation nurse whom was
really sweet and patient with me. She taught me some techniques to try it at
home and I did as told and for once in my life I think I actually listen.
Hahahaha.
6 weeks of breastfeeding
journey consists of engorgement, blue-black to the breast area, frequent
bleedings (try daily), and fever every 2-3 days, tears, migraine, lack of rest,
depression and the list goes on.
I wanted to
give up. From week 3 onwards, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cried. A lot.
Things got
much worse after confinement lady left as I find difficulty managing my time
to pump milk, latch, do housework, wash clothes for the family and Tyler’s of course, making
meals of my own, patting a crying baby back to sleep and dealing with side
effects of medication that gynae prescribed for all the other after-birth
problems I was having.
I finally
broke down and it was scary.
So after much
drama-mama I had went through, I told my husband that I want to stop.
His word of advice to me is this, “The most important thing is that you remain sane and be well,
otherwise, how do you take care of Tyler if you are not.”
It hit me.
He is right.
Every
mothers’ circumstances are different and what rights do we have to judge. I was
glad I did what I did because Tyler is growing up well and I love him so much
so if this is the best I can give, then so be it. I’m not going to beat myself
up just because others were to perceive it differently.
So I stop. But troubles didn't go away. Trust me when I say that, because after I had switched from Bf-ing to FM-feeding, people give remarks that just upset me further. It was a roller coaster ride.
When I consult a doctor, he would ask why did you stop breastfeeding? Don't you know it's very good? You should continue to do it until he is at least 6 months old.
When a baby home brand telemarketer called, they would ask questions like 'Are you still breastfeeding?' My reply is No and they would continue to ask 'Why not?'.
So yes, this is what I called unnecessary stress. I had gotten over it now but now these thoughts just annoys me.
I’m happy
to say, majority of the mothers out there including my close family and friends,
colleagues and even some netizens (whose comments I’ve came across regarding
related-articles) are generically understanding. I’m proud of these mothers who
stands up to those who needs it and we should continuously do so as this is not
the only challenge we will face during parenthood.
Here’s my
message to the people whom are pro-breastfeeding and feels like condemning
others who feeds formula –
My message
to you is ‘Please mind your own business and we don’t appreciate such so-called
‘advices’ you deem it to be. Seriously.’
My message
to mothers whom feels a little less about themselves because you had fed your
babies formulas instead of breast milk –
Stay strong. Just do
what you think its best and you are still the best mother you can be to your
baby.
My message to mothers who provide support no matter what -
A very big Thank You.
I hope we
continue to support and respect one another as the ultimate objective is to provide the
best we can as parents. Who can say that you are wrong if you're trying your best? In truth, no one understands the situation better than yourself.
